Let’s talk about something I see all the time as a sleep consultant: One parent is doing all the heavy lifting when it comes to nighttime wake-ups—and more often than not, that parent is Mom.
Now listen, this isn’t about pointing fingers or assigning blame. There’s usually a reason this happens. Nursing tends to be the go-to sleep prop for many families, especially in the first year. And when a baby needs to nurse every time they wake up, it makes sense that Mom is the one doing most of the work overnight.
But here’s the thing: this dynamic can take a toll. It’s exhausting for Mom, creates imbalance in the relationship, and often leaves Dad feeling helpless and disconnected—like there’s no real way he can pitch in during those long, sleepless nights.
The good news? When you're ready to start sleep training, your partner can be your secret weapon. Seriously.
Why It’s Powerful When Dad (or the Non-Nursing Parent) Takes the Lead
When we’re teaching a baby or toddler to fall asleep independently, one of the biggest challenges is breaking the association between sleep and nursing (or rocking, bouncing, etc.).
If baby is used to nursing to sleep, and suddenly Dad is the one doing bedtime or responding to night wakings? That alone can be a game-changer. Baby knows: Dad doesn’t nurse. So their expectations shift, and they’re often more open to learning a new way to fall asleep.
In fact, sleep training often goes more smoothly when the non-nursing parent takes the lead, especially in the first few nights.
But Here’s the Catch…
I’ve seen this play out so many times:
Mom cheers, “Yes! You’ve got this, honey!”
Baby cries.
Mom jumps out of bed, races into the nursery, or starts whisper-yelling instructions from the hallway.
Totally normal. Totally human. But it doesn’t help.
If your partner is going to take the lead, you’ve got to let them find their own rhythm. Yes, they’ll do it differently than you. And yes, it might be messy at first. But giving them space builds confidence—for both your partner and your baby.
5 Simple Tips to Get Your Partner Involved in Sleep Training
Let’s make this easy and doable:
Have a Plan Together
– Talk about what sleep training method you’re using and what each night might look like. You need to be on the same page before bedtime begins.Pick a Role for Each of You
– Decide who’s “on” for bedtime or wake-ups. In the early stages, let your partner be the one to go in first if baby wakes.Resist the Urge to Coach in Real Time
– It’s hard, I know. But try not to micromanage. Your partner needs to build their own confidence—and they can’t do that with someone narrating their every move.Celebrate Wins Together
– Even small improvements are worth celebrating. “She only woke once!” or “He stayed calm for check-ins!” It keeps you both motivated and connected.Remember: This Is Temporary
– Most families see big improvements in just a few nights. Letting go a little now means more rest, more balance, and more evenings together down the road.
Final Thoughts
Your baby doesn’t need a “perfect” parent to sleep well. They need consistency, support, and space to learn new skills. And your partner? They can be a huge part of this process—if you let them.
So, if you’re running on fumes and feel like it’s all on you, remember: you don’t have to do this alone. Sleep training is a team effort, and when both parents are involved, the results are often faster, smoother, and more sustainable.
Ready to build a plan that works for your whole family?
Let’s talk. Book a free discovery call and let’s get your baby (and both of you!) sleeping through the night.